6 months ago
30
Concise, low-effort, and extremely intellectual guide
Web3 is basically the internet on steroids, except instead of being run by nerds in Silicon Valley, it’s run by degenerate traders, genius coders, and dudes who legally changed their names to something like “fartcoin2dmoon420.” The dream? A decentralized utopia where power belongs to the people. The reality? A casino where half the players are exit liquidity, and the other half are running off with the pot.
It is sketch as fuck. But guess what? I love it anyway. Web3 is high-stakes finance mixed with absolute clown-foolery, and it’s the most fun you can have while still pretending you’re making “smart investments.”
Web1: You read stuff. Internet was slow. Every website looked like my portfolio, i.e., bad.
Web2: You read and post stuff. Social media. Big Tech gets rich while you argue with bots and Karens on Facebook.
Web3: You read, post, and own stuff. Except instead of just sharing a meme, you mint it as an NFT and pray some crypto whale buys it for more than your rent.
The idea? No central control. No gatekeepers. No bullshit. The execution? A battlefield where DAOs are controlled by five dudes in a Discord, and “trustless transactions” mean “rug pulls happen faster.”
Because Where Else Can You 100x Overnight? Everything is a casino, except sometimes, the roulette wheel lands on “you get stupid rich.”
🧠 Because Some of the Tech is Cool — I’ll admit, DeFi is the future, NFTs (the good ones) have real utility, and smart contracts cut out the middlemen who take your money for doing nothing.
🃏 Because It’s Pure Entertainment — Finance is boring. Web3 is a never-ending circus. One day, it’s a new “revolutionary” blockchain, the next day, it’s an NFT project where people are buying AI-generated anime waifus for $10,000.
📜 Because Fuck Banks — Have you ever tried withdrawing more than $2,000 from a bank? They look at you like you’re running a cartel. DeFi doesn’t give a fuck. Your money, your rules.
Step 1: Read a whitepaper written by a 19-year-old on Adderall and gas station weed.
Step 2: YOLO into a token because some dude named Cryptoexpart69 shilled it on Twitter.
Step 3: Tell yourself “it’s just a dip” while the devs sneakily remove liquidity.
Step 4: Get rugged, post a crying Wojak meme on r/TIL, and pretend it was a learning experience. (r/TIL = Today I lost)
Step 5: Reinvest in the next rug pull because “this one is different.”
Congratulations, you’ve been officially baptized into Web3 degeneracy.
Both.
Web3 is chaos, opportunity, and financial Darwinism. It’s where the biggest scams and the biggest innovations happen in real time. 99% of projects will fail, but the 1% that don’t will change finance forever.
The problem? Finding that 1% before the devs cash out and delete their Twitter.
Assume everything is a scam until proven otherwise.
If someone says “we’re early,” they’re already selling.
DYOR = “Do Your Own Research,” but let’s be real, most research is just Twitter posts and copium.
Only invest what you can afford to lose (which means don’t remortgage your house for dog coins).
Use real tracking tools instead of trading off vibes and FOMO.
If you see the words “revolutionary” or “game-changing,” run.
Look, I know Web3 is a mess. I know most of it is bullshit wrapped in hype. But I don’t care. It’s the most ridiculous, high-energy, and completely unhinged part of finance, and I fucking love it. Leave the losing fuck tons of money to me.
One day you’re up 500%, the next day you’re staring at a zero balance wondering why you trusted a roadmap with spelling errors. That’s the game.
And if you want to survive, stop trading like an absolute moron and use real tools.
🔥 Use TradingView → Track charts, spot trends, and maybe avoid becoming some crypto whale’s exit liquidity. Sign up with my affiliate link and get $15 to put towards a TradingView subscription. You get that, and I get beer money.
Until next time bozo,
SchmuckofWallStreet
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P.S.: I have a YouTube channel where I cover finance news and memes via short-form content. https://youtube.com/@schmuckofwallstreet?si=zeXfEcE3HW5NR5dX
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